He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
