youre lurking in front of me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
