Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
