i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
