someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
