if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
