he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
