But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drake has all the answers
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
