why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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