I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
