Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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