you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
