; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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