Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
do nipples grow back?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
