Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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