Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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