The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize