and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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