you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
