we have officially lost it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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