I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
