apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
