Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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