Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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