She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
