Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize