So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How does one acquire holy water?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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