Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize