go do what you do best...puke behind churches
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
