I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize