her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
