I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the day after is always just damage control
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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