i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
