I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need a beard to bite.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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