dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
