their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
