sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm like, not good at living.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize