billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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