btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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