We're like a lot better than the average bears
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
