ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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