rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize