You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sobbing to NWA
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize