She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
