I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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