It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
