Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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