I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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