a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
