Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sober January is a disaster.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
