Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
