Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
