were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
