I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize