You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
