so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
