I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
