that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
