I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
