Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize