YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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