I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
