I just pynch a tree in the face
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
