good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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