If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
