thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
