ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
