I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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